please take a moment to imagine the Federation version of Eurovision as @swordfern and I have envisioned it, in a post-DS9 peaceful future:
-Bajor does something very soothing with hand percussion and like…. background eurythmy dancing but the lyrics are utterly heart-wrenching.
-Betazed is always a fan favorite- they really get into the pop ballads and impressive choreography, and of course aim to inspire ~feelings~
-Romulans do the super intimidating acts like that one song about Moscow Germany did one year.
-Klingons just do fucking opera every time, with intense choreography, generally involving weaponry.
-Andorians do… whatever the andorian version of death metal is. imagine andorian headbanging. with those antennae. imagine.
-the new Cardassian Republic, when it finally gains admittance, is intensely earnest and a bit disco. No one really knows how to react to this.
-Vulcan sends one person with a Vulcan lute and they play an extremely logical arrangement extremely well, with no dancers or any illogical frippery… and they repeat this each year. No one ever votes for Vulcan.
But is it still called Eurovision…
Unifvision?
if australia can join eurovision, anyone can
The borg will put out some electro rock song that is just “resistance is futile” repeated 572 times
I love everything about this except
there is no way Vulcan would be the boring entry. It’s completely illogical to not get into the spirit of things, or to enter a contest one does not intend to win.
It’s obvious logical really, Vulcan enters with the equivalent of Love Love Peace Peace every year, each performance carefully calculated and constructed based on what has appealed the most in previous years.
They win three years in a row.
Absolutely true. Maybe they send a guy with a lute the first year, but after they see Earth’s entry there’s a flurry of raised eyebrows and they begin to reassess
Also I feel like the Klingons would sent some sort of heavy metal too, Finland’s 2006 entry (I think 2006) kind of looks like what I’d imagine a Klingon Eurovision entry to be.
The Vulcans realise straightaway, that first year, that they have misunderstood what was meant by ‘song contest’. The Federation News Service is filled with teasing and jokes about the Vulcan entry (and the likelihood of them entering with the same thing next year) for months.
The second year, their predictions appear to have come true. The exact same singer, wearing even bulkier Vulcan robes and again playing the lute, begins their performance.
Then, after 30 seconds of beautiful lute music and singing, the singer dramatically sheds their robes to reveal the most outrageous glittering jumpsuit and cape. And in a shower of fireworks and lasers, the zero-g Vulcan acrobats soar onstage to begin the most flawlessly choreographed routine the audience has ever seen.
Another singer is flown carried in by the acrobats, wearing a stunning white dress, and the two singers begin a duet about love, peace and infinite diversity in infinite combinations that is both emotionally moving and the catchiest song in the Federation music industry in a decade.
After the second key change, in the build up to the soaring high notes that finish the song, the lute catches fire.
listening to denmark’s entry temporarily transported back into my previous life as a shaggy viking warrior, striding across new lands with my axe in hand
chuck: hey raleigh you’re a dumbass idiot failure. you’re a disgrace to the jaeger program. why don’t you fuck off back to whatever wall they found you on
