I hate that coming out is like, entirely for the sake of cis&straight people. We come about because they can’t stop assuming that everyone else is cis&straight, we come out because they can’t stop being homophobic and transphobic and assuming that we are comfortable hearing it, we come out because they keep asking about why we don’t have a boyfriend yet or monitoring which bathroom we use. And then there’s the fact that cis&straight people are so invested in us coming out. They tell us it’s lying and deceptive when LGBT folks don’t come out to the point that they tell other people for us, they tell us that they “already knew” or “could tell” and brag about their gaydar or else they praise us by pretending it’s a compliment that they “never would’ve guessed”, then they go on to call us “brave” and “strong” for doing something we never should’ve had to do in the first place. And then there’s the idea that we are the ones who should feel ashamed about it and be told that they “still love us” despite the fact that it’s their hatred and bigotry that we’ve had to deal with the entire time we’ve known them and not the other way around. Coming out is the only milestone they think we have because it’s the one that they play the biggest role in and the one that they necessitate and I absolutely hate that about coming out.
