from softjimon

PROFESSIONS OF LOVE DURING FIGHTS !!!!!!!!! i love also ajkehgrw thank u so much i’m so glad u like it <3 

tw for some angst and mentions of death/suicide

“Jace, stop!”

They’re in the middle of the Institute and it’s not the time or the place for one of their fights but Jace has always been so goddamn stubborn and now is no different as he keeps walking, ignoring the sound of his name.

“Just wait,” Simon tries again, two steps behind but catching up fast, “For Alec or backup or anything. Please.”

And it comes out soft and strangled with the fear that has only multiplied since that bite. 

“There’s no time,” Jace says tiredly, avoiding Simon’s eyes (because they always ruin whatever resolve he has left).

“Will you just –“ Simon sighs, reaching for Jace’s arm to make him freaking stop already. He feels skin on skin and they just stand there, staring, until Jace pulls away, hard. “God, why do you always do this?”

“Do what?” he asks, words dripping with defence.

“You turn every last task into a suicide mission!” Simon snaps, sick of worrying for someone who won’t worry for themself, “You never stop or think, you just run headfirst into things like your life doesn’t even matter!”

Jace huffs out a laugh, “Yeah well maybe it doesn’t.”

It’s the first time he’s said that out loud and his hands itch for something to do, a distraction, clenching and unclenching around the hilt of the seraph blade tucked into his belt.

Simon blinks.

“That is so. Completely. Wrong,” he says slowly, like he wants Jace to process every single word. “You matter to so many people – “

“Don’t say that!” Jace begs, unsteady with emotions he’s ignored for years, “I just – every time I believe it there’s another lie, or catch and then I’m left with this mess where I don’t even know who I am or where I fit - so I don’t care. Honestly, Simon, I don’t even care anymore. I just want to help and if it gets me killed then so be it.”

“So be it?” Simon all but yells, stepping closer until they’re barely a foot apart, “How can you be so unbelievably selfish?!”

Jace rolls his eyes, “I think you mean selfless…”

“No. Selfish. Have you ever thought about what this does to people – what it does to me? Watching you go out fighting like some martyr! I freak out every single time because I might never see you again! Or talk to you! And it makes me crazy, pulling apart last conversations, absolutely hating myself for not telling you how much I love…”

Simon’s mouth snaps shut, eyes wide with what he’s said and Jace almost chokes.

“How much you love what?” he asks quietly, shoulders squared in the way that makes him seem smaller somehow. It’s like every last goodbye and all the ones to come and Simon feels like crying.

“How much I love you,” he mutters, hoping this embarrassing admission will at least bide them some time until Alec gets here, “I don’t – it’s not a big deal, okay? I think maybe it was the bite or something –“

Jace shakes his head, “It wasn’t the bite.”

And then he’s lunging forward, hands grabbing at Simon’s face to bring him closer. There’s a second where there’s nothing but air between them and then they’re kissing, hard and fast with every ounce of feeling they didn’t dare dream was there in return.

They don’t stop when Raj walks past, coughing loudly, or when an announcement sounds all over the Institute, warning about another demon attack. It isn’t until Alec calls both their names, twice, that they break apart, cheeks pink and hearts full.

“So I see this finally happened.” Alec gestures vaguely at the two of them clinging together and Simon ducks his head, laughing into Jace’s shoulder and hiding the biggest blush his body can muster. Alec nods to Jace, grinning, “You coming? Izzy’s got a team ready and they want us briefed and out of here in ten.”

Jace tilts his head to the side, eyes flickering between his brother and his (finally, finally) boyfriend.

“I might sit this one out,” he decides, arm tightening around Simon and Alec gives him a strange look.

“Are you feeling okay?” he asks seriously and the blatant care makes Jace’s smile even brighter, “Since when do you turn down the chance to fight?”

Jace shrugs, “ Since I got something to live for.”

And it’s lame and wildly inaccurate because he’s always had Alec and Izzy but this feels all kinds of different. Simon is awwing next to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and despite the never ending whir of the shadowhunter world, Jace thinks maybe he can be happy.