things abuse survivors think/say

• maybe my trauma wasn’t bad enough
  
• maybe what happened was just my fault??
  
• but what if I can’t hold that person accountable? what if they meant well
  
• what if I don’t have the right to be angry?
• but what if they didn’t know they were hurting me? maybe its my fault for not saying it
  
• it’s my fault, i’ve always been hiding how badly things hurt me
  
• i’m just weak and pathetic and everything hurts me it’s not their fault i’m like this
  
• hey this this thing actually happen or did i make that up
  
• if i ask abuser they’ll tell me i made it up that must be true they do say i’m delusional
  
• maybe if I’ve done something differently this wouldn’t have happened
  
• guilt guilt guilt guilt
  
• what if abuser is right tho? what if they’re telling the truth and it’s okay to tell it in insults then?
  
• i’m garbage, i knew it
  
• yeah everyone deserves compassion and comfort but me? no.
  
• I am the sole person who is just bad enough to deserve everything that has happened to me
  
• no this person didn’t mean to hurt my feelings i’m just too sensitive!!!
  
• maybe someone else wouldn’t be hurt by this, this means its my fault
  
• i hate myself
  
• how long until everyone realizes i’m just a fake and there’s nothing valuable inside of me
  
• yeah they like me now but i’m going to fuck it up and they’ll hate me like everyone else
  
• was that abuse? no it can’t be. its my fault. if I wasn’t the way I am it wouldn’t have happened
  
• everything people do to me is just what I deserved
  
• what this person is doing bothers me so I have to try harder not to be bothered by it
  
• this person is wrong but everyone believes them so it must be okay
  
• yeah they hate me but i don’t want them to leave me maybe i can get them to hate me less
  
• yeah this person is hurting me but i still need them in my life maybe if i change myself
  
• it doesn’t matter if they hurt me, i’m used to it
  
• what if everyone abandons me and I die alone
  
• this person scares me but I can’t let that affect me
  
• I shouldn’t be feeling this way, I need to get over my feelings
  
• I can’t let anyone notice how I feel or they will hate me
  
• how does everyone just stay calm? why can’t I do that
  
• I’m a burden on everyone, I bet they’d all be happier if I wasn’t there
  
• if I disappeared right now wouldn’t everything be better?

*these are not truths, this is after-effect of long term abuse