What’s it like to fall?, Uriel asks, eyes concerned but wary. She’s the first one to ask and the memory hits Lucifer like a brick to the gut. The darkness of the space, the blinding light of flashing stars, the cold wind that whips around his ears- It’s like being born all over again, Lucifer laughs and locks the rest behind his teeth.
What’s it like to fall?, Azrael asks next and his voice is curious, as if he’s walking over a frozen lake waiting for the ice to break. Lucifer looks at him and wishes some of his naivety back again, the wide eyes, blowing open, the curious hitch of his voice, God on your tongue - It’s like losing one of your limbs, Lucifer finally whispers but he’s not sure Azrael even heard it.
What’s it like to fall?, Gabriel asks when they meet, eyes determined but calm like deep rivers. His presence is as soothing as it always was and when Lucifer closes his eyes he’s almost sure he can hear the voices of his brother’s and sister’s in heaven. It’s like a mouthful of apologies, Lucifer murmurs and loses himself to the memory just a tad longer.
What’s it like to fall?, Raphael asks with a sharp grin and his lips twisted in a haunting way. Something ugly coils inside Lucifer and he remembers Michael’s touch on his shoulder, throwing him out, the pain on his chest, the taste of blood on his tongue - It’s like losing all hope, Lucifer snorts and ignores the sour taste in his mouth.
What’s it like to fall?, Metatron asks, voice full of fear. Lucifer wonders, for a brief second, if God is still with them, peeking over the edged shoulders of his children, waiting for the betrayal to set in again. He feels suddenly incredible tired. It’s like becoming a monster, Lucifer answers and flinches from the burning phantom pain on his shoulders.
What’s it like to fall?, Michael asks with fire behind his eyes and his lips pressed into a thin line. Lucifer watches his brother, shoulders square and muscles tensed from clenching his hands too tight. He remembers the his wings catching fire and the reek of burned flesh in his nose, his skin in shreds on his back - It’s like dying, Lucifer chokes and ignores the pain in his brother’s eyes.
This memory aches like a heart that bleeds ink. It becomes sharper with time. But it stays with its teeth jammed between ribs. No matter how thick the bones, it won’t leave me alone. You gave us the world. I am sorry we burned it to the ground.
Excerpt of The Crucifixion, the Gospel according to Luke from Absolution r.m | buy me a ko-fi
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