visitor at the house: awful lot of crosses in this place. you catholic or something?
human: *laughing* oh, no, i just - *realising they’re about to try to explain that they live with an unwelcome vampire roommate* well. um.
vampire: *wailing dramatically as they stalk the hallways in their floor-length nightgown in the dark*
human, flipping on the light switch and folding their arms and glaring: you realise it’s 2am in the fucking morning?
vampire: *innocently* oh, is it? i hadn’t noticed
vampire: *walks into the kitchen and immediately starts coughing* what the hell is that vile stench?
human: *smugly* garlic bread
vampire: *gagging* we’re getting an extractor chimney
vampire: where the FUCK is my SOLID GOLD CANDELABRA??? it’s a PRICELESS HEIRLOOM that’s been in my family’s possession for GENERATIONS, i’ll have you know
human: *pointedly not looking in the direction of the golden hat rack that definitely wasn’t in the hallway yesterday* ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
tv show concept: a human buys an old house already owned by a vampire. since the vampire is dead, they cannot hold a lease, however any eviction notice also isn’t legally binding, so they have no choice but to live together, and both spend all their spare time trying to make each other’s lives as miserable as possible in an attempt to force the other person to leave
human: they should be here by now!
vampire: *looks into the camera as they wipe their mouth with a handkerchief and winks*
| Via: manywinged |