yeah. the issue with addressing parasocial relationships

is that they’re extremely complicated to discuss, because everyone involved in them past the point where boundaries get blurred and ignored is in some way a victim because they’re not healthy for anyone. and anything you do as a content creator feeds into them. and no matter what you say or do some people will continue doing things you’ve said you’re uncomfortable with because it doesn’t match up with the version of you they’ve formed a relationship with in their heads. or to get a reaction out of you because the possibility of receiving your attention, no matter how realistic, is a major part of what fuels a parasocial relationship. (which is not me saying content creators shouldn’t address things like racism and other forms of bigotry in their fanbases, but there’s only so much they can do and even if they try to block or ban as many people as possible to discourage them there’s always some people who’ll slip past because there’s just too much for one person or even a team of mods to keep up with 24/7).

and at the same time content creators do use these relationships to make money through fan meetups, selling merch, random interactions online, etc. which in a way can’t be helped because that’s how they make their careers but does arguably exploit people who’ve fallen off the parasocial deep end and need help and support getting out of that mindset. but also any creator with a platform cannot bear responsibility for or offer support to every single person who claims to be a fan of them and in fact could cause more harm than good by feeding into that desire for attention.

parasocial relationships can drive people to do increasingly desperate and unreasonable things in pursuit of that (entirely human, but often unreasonable and unhealthy in parasocial relationships) need to receive validation, which is unfortunately just the nature of online spaces to develop because we all post and interact with each other at least partly to receive the validation of other people liking our content and, by extension, especially in parasocial relationships, us.

i’m speaking from experience. i used to be addicted to receiving validation online (and i am a former addict, so i don’t make that comparison without understanding the implications) because there is a high that comes with seeing the numbers of likes and shares and positive comments on your content go up and it is possible to get addicted to that rush. i did, and it took me the better part of a year after realizing how negatively it was affecting my life and therapy - no, i’m not kidding - to start to make progress and no longer be obsessed with pleasing strangers online who know very little about me and don’t really care about me even if they think they do (and this is not in any way an attack on my followers, i’m sure many of you are good, kind, helpful people, but at the same time the concept of me that exists in your minds and you care about is a parasocial one.)

this is even harder if you’re a content creator who has a career online. i don’t make any money from posting on tumblr. so it doesn’t matter if i produce less content or don’t consistently interact with the people who follow me for that content. but if you do, it’s not easy to step away from that and try to recover from and distance yourself from parasocial relationships and set boundaries when your whole career relies partly on them. even if it gets to a point where, like me, they’re harming your wellbeing. it took me months of obsessively checking my social media and follower count and having panic attacks when i couldn’t or my activity dropped, struggling to sleep and having anxiety attacks because i couldn’t think of enough fun new content to share, struggling in classes and at work because my attention was elsewhere, and feeling despair to the point of having depressive episodes brought on by people saying hurtful things about me or criticizing me about things that weren’t my fault and i couldn’t control, before i even considered that i needed to do something about the parasocial hell i’d dug myself into. and i don’t make a single cent. if i did, it would have been a lot harder. maybe even impossible.

this is really just a ramble with no conclusion but it just frustrates me and makes me really sad that parasocial relationships can cause so much lasting harm to people, both content creators and their fans, and there’s not really any solution except seeking therapy one day and hopefully being able to heal from the damage. although i do think talking more openly about and spreading awareness of parasocial relationships would also help people find support and think more carefully about how they interact with people and consume content online (without ruining the fun!).

yeah. the issue with addressing parasocial relationships

is that they’re extremely complicated to discuss, because everyone involved in them past the point where boundaries get blurred and ignored is in some way a victim because they’re not healthy for anyone. and anything you do as a content creator feeds into them. and no matter what you say or do some people will continue doing things you’ve said you’re uncomfortable with because it doesn’t match up with the version of you they’ve formed a relationship with in their heads. or to get a reaction out of you because the possibility of receiving your attention, no matter how realistic, is a major part of what fuels a parasocial relationship. (which is not me saying content creators shouldn’t address things like racism and other forms of bigotry in their fanbases, but there’s only so much they can do and even if they try to block or ban as many people as possible to discourage them there’s always some people who’ll slip past because there’s just too much for one person or even a team of mods to keep up with 24/7).

and at the same time content creators do use these relationships to make money through fan meetups, selling merch, random interactions online, etc. which in a way can’t be helped because that’s how they make their careers but does arguably exploit people who’ve fallen off the parasocial deep end and need help and support getting out of that mindset. but also any creator with a platform cannot bear responsibility for or offer support to every single person who claims to be a fan of them and in fact could cause more harm than good by feeding into that desire for attention.

parasocial relationships can drive people to do increasingly desperate and unreasonable things in pursuit of that (entirely human, but often unreasonable and unhealthy in parasocial relationships) need to receive validation, which is unfortunately just the nature of online spaces to develop because we all post and interact with each other at least partly to receive the validation of other people liking our content and, by extension, especially in parasocial relationships, us.

i’m speaking from experience. i used to be addicted to receiving validation online (and i am a former addict, so i don’t make that comparison without understanding the implications) because there is a high that comes with seeing the numbers of likes and shares and positive comments on your content go up and it is possible to get addicted to that rush. i did, and it took me the better part of a year after realizing how negatively it was affecting my life and therapy - no, i’m not kidding - to start to make progress and no longer be obsessed with pleasing strangers online who know very little about me and don’t really care about me even if they think they do (and this is not in any way an attack on my followers, i’m sure many of you are good, kind, helpful people, but at the same time the concept of me that exists in your minds and you care about is a parasocial one.)

this is even harder if you’re a content creator who has a career online. i don’t make any money from posting on tumblr. so it doesn’t matter if i produce less content or don’t consistently interact with the people who follow me for that content. but if you do, it’s not easy to step away from that and try to recover from and distance yourself from parasocial relationships and set boundaries when your whole career relies partly on them. even if it gets to a point where, like me, they’re harming your wellbeing. it took me months of obsessively checking my social media and follower count and having panic attacks when i couldn’t or my activity dropped, struggling to sleep and having anxiety attacks because i couldn’t think of enough fun new content to share, struggling in classes and at work because my attention was elsewhere, and feeling despair to the point of having depressive episodes brought on by people saying hurtful things about me or criticizing me about things that weren’t my fault and i couldn’t control, before i even considered that i needed to do something about the parasocial hell i’d dug myself into. and i don’t make a single cent. if i did, it would have been a lot harder. maybe even impossible.

this is really just a ramble with no conclusion but it just frustrates me and makes me really sad that parasocial relationships can cause so much lasting harm to people, both content creators and their fans, and there’s not really any solution except seeking therapy one day and hopefully being able to heal from the damage. although i do think talking more openly about and spreading awareness of parasocial relationships would also help people find support and think more carefully about how they interact with people and consume content online (without ruining the fun!).