21,165 notesReblogged at 02:03am, 04/17/22
Via: froody

queenofdebate:

trainthief:

my coworker today was like “i bet you dont know this song” and put on Don’t Go Breaking My Heart. And I was like “yeah, of course I do, it’s Elton John” and he was like “who?” and I said “Elton John. He wrote this” and he was like “oh I don’t know about that, it’s just in the Chicken Little movie” 

How am I supposed to explain to my family that this is the only thing that will make me laugh anymore

145,783 notesReblogged at 01:30pm, 04/14/22
Via: habeascorpseus
23,623 notesReblogged at 08:25pm, 04/02/22
Via: bunjywunjy

ronaldreagancutupwhiletalking:

babe I’m sorry cant do the dishes tonight my toxic masculinity is flaring up

27,253 notesReblogged at 10:55pm, 03/29/22
Via: rockboci

lilpetrabbit:

a few days ago bf told me that a couple years ago when he played counterstrike he would respond to dudes getting angry and aggressive and hostile by saying “a kissaroo from me to you” in a slightly goofy friendly voice sort of like the voice you’d associate with a dog muppet.  he said they would absolutely lose their shit every time, insisting things like “i dont want a kissaroo from you!  only tall blonde girls!”.  they always said kissaroo.  i cant stop thinking about this

368,579 notesReblogged at 05:12pm, 03/29/22
Via: haxxy

toastyglow:

the man the milf the legend

15,235 notesReblogged at 07:40pm, 03/28/22
Via: toastyglow

paolabracho-deactivated20230704:

curbstompmeplz:

thinking about the time i was struggling to open my water bottle in class, and a girl that i had spoken to maybe 3 times came up to me and went

“let me help you baby”

and then proceeded to struggle to open the bottle

i wouldve fallen in love right then & there ngl

140,579 notesReblogged at 01:17pm, 03/17/22
Via: haxxy

dancefevers:

guy who ends his prayers with “or whatever.” instead of amen

28,224 notesReblogged at 08:59pm, 03/07/22
Via: mcyt

writana:

yesterday my roommate got mad at me because i saw him eating kit-kats and said “oh, so you’re a little kit-kat boy, are you?” and then i had a dream about him killing me

178,123 notesReblogged at 04:11pm, 03/06/22
Via: belladonnaboudreaux

devildaisies:

devildaisies:

devildaisies:

devildaisies:

a long sleeve shirt that says sleeves are bullshit

a shirt that says ‘suns out guns out’ but is also long sleeve 

a shirt that says ‘i flexed and the sleeves fell off’ but the sleeves are definitely still there

image

BE NICE TO ME

165,397 notesReblogged at 09:48pm, 03/04/22
Via: spohkh