batmanisagatewaydrug:

batmanisagatewaydrug:

I think it would be very funny if being drunk was like… a relatively new cultural development for gnomes? there’s just something about their wacky gnomish constitution that prevented them coming by it naturally (traditionally they’re more into a variety of mushrooms and other recreational plants) but once they started mingling more with more alcohol-happy races they learned VERY quickly and started opening, basically, turbo-breweries that are basically one part distillery and one part wizard tower. VERY popular job for young alchemists trying to make some good money, and the reason why gnomes are known (among other things) for operating the craziest night clubs

batmanisagatewaydrug:

humans and halflings are probably the most compatible drinkers of any two races, although halflings find most human wines, beers, ciders, etc, a little too dry and bland for their liking. halfling alternatives are very sweet, which makes them a huge hit among the ‘I like alcohol but I don’t want it to taste like alcohol’ crowd

batmanisagatewaydrug:

I think there’s some compatability among drinks brewed by reptilian races (dragonborn, lizardfolk, tortles, kobolds, etc) although you run into similar translation issues as mammalians, but there is absolutely no crossover. like if a drsgonborn and a dwarf in a (very cosmopolitan) tavern were to switch drinks it would be a nonstarter.

“this is basically just a capri sun,” the dragonborn says, disappointed.

“cool, I’m pretty sure I just drank actual paint thinner,” the dwarf says. “get me to a hospital.”

batmanisagatewaydrug:

the flip side is that elves are an entire race of (comparative) lightweights, and a whole gaggle of teenange elves can get piss drunk passing around one bottle of fruity human wine

batmanisagatewaydrug:

……… different fantasy races should be impacted differently by each other’s alcohol

no more if this “fine elvin wine” shit, I am going to personally write a fantasy setting in which every human knows that elf booze tastes and feels like fantasy la croix. there’s barely even a flavor, and you’d need to drink a few to even get tipsy.

meanwhile, every human with a lick of common sense knows that you need to plan accordingly if you’re going to be drinking dwarven liquor, because it hits you hard and fast and you’ll lose feeling in your legs faster than you thought was physically possible. the hangovers are the stuff of legend.

here’s who I think should be able to get drunk but become sober at will:

1.) sufficiently powerful paladins and clerics

2.) aasimar [all of them]

2.) very very few tieflings. it’s not universal at all, but few tiefling traits are. I know 5e has really solidified them as horns + tails + inhuman skin color but we need to be making them weirder 

68,990 notesReblogged at 01:14pm, 07/02/23
Via: rainia

That post about writing motorcycle scenes I’ve been meaning to write

prettyarbitrary:

Riding a bike is one of those things that’s a very physical experience, so if you haven’t ridden, then there’s a lot you will naturally not be aware of.  I love motorcycle scenes in stories, but over the years I’ve noticed that scenes written by non-riders almost always make the same mistakes.  They’re ubiquitous in fact, to the point that if you haven’t been there to learn the contrary yourself, it’s natural to assume that’s how it actually works.

The first thing to know about motorcycles is that when driving, the motorcycle performs as an extension of you.  It’s almost cybernetic, the way your mass and balance fuse with the machine’s, the way it transmutes your sense of your surroundings and the surface you’re driving on, and the sense of the bike itself and how it’s performing.

Most notably, the driver’s center of gravity becomes the central steering mechanism.  At speeds faster than around 10 mph, the driver steers primarily through shifting their center of balance.  If you want to turn left, you lean your body left.  You’re actually tilting yourself and the motorcycle to take curves and corners.

When carrying a passenger, then, the passenger needs to shift their center of gravity along with the driver’s.  It’s like taking the ‘follower’ position in partner dancing.  You lean WITH them; not less, because then your weight counters theirs and they end up not turning (which can be highly bad if, say, the road does not go that way), and not more, because then the bike could tip right over.

Being a good passenger on a bike is not a huge learning curve for most people, but there is a learning curve.  And some people have more of a knack for it than others.  Some people are natural back-seat drivers, for whatever reason overly pushy, eager, demanding, or determined that they know better than you, and have a habit of making it hard on the driver.  I’ve had people tell me they hate riding pillion even if they’re good at it, because they don’t like how out-of-control it feels.  I detest it myself, in fact; I’d far rather be driving, and it’s a constant struggle for me to just follow along and behave myself.

This means, though, that carrying a passenger who weighs significantly more than you can be a tricky business.  I weigh about 110, and when carrying a rider weighing significantly more than that, it’s awfully easy to crash if the passenger tries to back-seat steer.  (A way to mitigate this, especially for new passengers, is to simply take 15 minutes or so to bump around quiet local roads at low speeds so that the driver and passenger can familiarize themselves a bit with minimal risk to themselves.)

Now, undoubtedly the #1 most-committed mistake I see from almost everybody who writes about motorcycles (and for that matter, a lot of unsuspecting new passengers try it in real life) is the ‘wrapping arms around the driver’s waist’ business.  It’s so common that this line is practically required by law when somebody’s writing a motorcycle scene, but seriously:  DON’T DO THAT.  <–The all caps there is not for shaming; it’s for emphasizing the safety issues.  It’s not only uncomfortable for the driver, it’s potentially dangerous.  It makes it hard to steer, hard to breathe comfortably, and easy to get jerked off balance and into a crash.

In a similar vein, holding onto the driver via grabbing their clothing is ill-advised.  This can lead to getting jerked off balance, having seams dig in painfully, and being choked by fabric.

What to do instead:  The rider sitting pillion should brace their hands on either side of the driver’s waist.  

I know, if you’re in it for the sexual tension, this sounds less sexy, but I’m here to tell you that’s a filthy lie.  A passenger who’s sitting properly is basically molded onto the driver’s back.  Riding with/being a passenger on a bike is a startlingly intimate experience.  There’s a lot of trust and teamwork involved, which takes place at a kinesthetic level.  It feels a lot like dancing, as I said before, or maybe partnered sports, where the collaboration is happening at a physical, bone-deep level that often skips right past the conscious intellect.

Now, sometimes (you may’ve seen this on the road) you’ll have passengers who prefer to hang onto a part of the bike–bits of the frame, maybe, or a ‘sissy bar’/seat back sticking up from the back.  It’s not uncommon, but it’s a bad habit because the passenger is never quite as in-tune with the driver this way, and if something happens–a tire slips in a puddle, for example–their weight moving in the wrong direction can end up jerking the bike out of the driver’s control.

Another thing I see a lot of writers do in stories that doesn’t work in real life:  unfortunately, helmets are NOT easily swappable.  They’re designed to clasp the head; a well-fitted helmet should not move on your head at all, even if you shake your head hard (though it also shouldn’t be tight enough to exert uncomfortable pressure).  A helmet that fits loosely is useless at best and dangerous at worst.  One that’s too tight is either painful or doesn’t go on at all.  It doesn’t take much difference in the size of two people’s heads for one person’s helmet to not fit the other person properly.  (And even if they’re the same size, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be comfortable for more than short-term wear, but hey.)

Also, the stupid things are ridiculously expensive–especially the full-face models–so most bikers aren’t lucky enough to have a bunch of extras just laying around.

Another tip, both for writing and riding: riding pillion on a sports bike (those sleek ones where the driver’s crouched and leaning forward like a race jockey) is a miserable freaking experience.  On a lot of models, you’re perched up there on something that barely counts as a seat and leaves you constantly feeling like you’re about to slide off the back; your legs are pushed up into a crouch; you’re hunched like a monkey over the driver; and possibly you’ve got a scalding-hot muffler pressed up against your calf.  

(Pro tip: if anybody ever invites you for a ride on their bike and you’re wearing shorts, pay attention to where the muffler’s located in relation to the foot pegs.)

Now, what is it about motorcycles that makes some of us bikers go into a lathered-up frenzy at the idea of riding?  It’s because it FEELS SO DAMN ALIVE.

Look.  It’s like…life these days is, well, canned.  We spend a lot of our time in pods–houses, cars, subway trains–breathing tinned air, walking around on pavement or carpet…  But when I’m on a bike, it’s me and a 360 degree panorama of the world, and there’s nothing between me and it.  Some people get off on the risk of that, but for me it’s a matter of immersion.  When I ride, I can feel the cool humid air rolling down from under a forested hillside.  I can smell the road dust, the oil, the exhaust, the herby scent of weeds and wildflowers on the roadside, the river I’m driving near, the shady scent of a forest, the roadside fruit stand…and I’m not talking in that wafty, broken-up way you get if you roll the car doors down.  It’s like driving into a wall of scent, crashing through one bubble after another of temperature changes and smells and sounds and sights, and I have this bike underneath me that’s rumbling and vibrating and moving like it’s part of me, and it’s just the most powerful sense I’ve ever had of being in charge of my own life and not hiding from the world.  I can see it, and it can see me, and yeah, that’s a bit dangerous, but it’s also real.

14,678 notesReblogged at 04:45pm, 07/01/23
Via: headspace-hotel

plaguedocboi:

We all love the beach, right? I sure do. Where the sea meets the land is a magical place. It is the overlap of two very different worlds; our sunny, sandy, beautiful home and the alien waves that beckon you into the inhospitable wilderness of the ocean. When crossing that foam-fringed boundary, one must remember that you are no longer in your world. You are entering the sea, and the sea is vast and dark and dangerous. It is more untamed than the wildest jungle and full of creatures that can kill you in a hundred different gruesome ways. Every wave whispers to you that you do not belong here, you may only visit for a brief time if you want to leave with your life. Hold tight to the warm sunlit sand that fringes the barrier of this place, or you may never see it again. Welcome to the beach. Enter at your own risk.

1. Tamarama beach, Australia

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This is know as both the smallest and the most dangerous beach in NSW. There is a permanent rip current that runs along the rocky northern shore, but at any given time there could be more hidden in the surf. Large waves break just a little ways offshore, posing a hazard to swimmers but an attraction for surfers. Although there are rarely deaths here, lifeguards have to rescue multiple people a day. Interestingly, this beach is only around sometimes! Occasionally all the sand will wash away and all that’s left is a rocky outcrop. There’s no way to be certain when the beach will come back or how big it will be or what it might look like. I guess it never gets boring to visit.

2. Isle of Ré, France

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This island is not the only place you can go to see square waves, but it is one of the places most famous for this strange phenomenon. This is called a cross sea, and occurs when two opposing wave patterns intersect. Although this is certainly a tourist attraction, it is best to observe from a distance, as cross seas can be very dangerous to both ships and swimmers. Cross seas can cause powerful rip currents and walls of water up to 10 feet high, rolling ships and dragging people underwater. (As a side note, my mother thought I had made up cross seas as a freaky supernatural event in my book. Unfortunately, I did not.)

3. Dumas Beach, India

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This is supposedly one of the most haunted places in India. Although this beach is full of tourists during the daytime, no one remains after dark, for fear that they will become the next ghost to wander the sand. Apparently, this beach was once used as a burial ground, and said to be black due to the human ashes mixed in. At night, people report hearing voices and seeing apparitions, and even dogs behave strangely once the sun goes down. There have also been multiple unexplained disappearances and at least one recorded death. Whether you believe in ghosts or not, there definitely seems to be something eerie happening on this beach.

4. Morecambe Bay, UK

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This is an interesting one, as it’s not technically the water that’s dangerous. The ground is. This estuary features extreme tides, with the water level dropping and rising up to 32 feet twice a day. This exposes an expanse of mud flats and channels which are composed of loose, wet material that can absolutely suck you in and trap you. If this happens when the tide is coming in, it can quickly turn deadly. This has happened many times going back through history, including one incident in 2004 where 23 people died. Yes, all at the same time. No, I don’t want to delve into that incident too deeply in this list as it’s extremely horrifying and tragic. Feel free to research it yourself.

5. Monastery Beach, Oregon

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This has earned its nickname “mortuary beach” by being extremely dangerous. Over 30 people have died here, including people who weren’t even in the water. In 2015, a woman walking along the beach was dragged in by a wave and drowned. The beach has multiple factors that make it so deadly, including a steep drop off, unpredictable waves, and strong undertows. This beach isn’t even safe to walk on. I um. Don’t like that.

6. Hanakapiai Beach, Hawaii

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Despite its beauty, this Hawaiian beach is not recommended for swimming except for expert surfers. During the summer, this beach is a popular place for hiking, sunbathing and sightseeing, but during the winter the sand is washed away and the waves crash against the cliffs directly. Even in the relatively safe summer months, this beach has no barrier reef to break up the strong waves and powerful currents, which leads to a dangerous situation where swimmers can quickly be swept out into the open ocean and drown. At least 30 people have died here, and 15 of the bodies have never been recovered.

7. Lake Michigan. Just, all of it.

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Despite all the Great Lakes being somewhat terrifying, Michigan takes the title of the most dangerous lake in the country. Yearly, Lake Michigan has more drownings than all four other Great Lakes combined. The reason that Michigan is especially hazardous is that, well, it’s kind of weirdly shaped. Thanks to its 300+ miles of uninterrupted parallel shorelines running north-south, it forms huge waves and strong riptides and long shore currents. It is also a question of numbers; Lake Michigan has more public beaches and large population centers than the other Great Lakes. All in all, a recipe for disaster.

8. Playa Zipolite, Mexico

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This is also called the “beach of the dead”, so it’s inclusion on this list seems pretty self-explanatory. These waters have strong undercurrents that rotate in a circular pattern, either pushing you into shore or pulling you out to sea. There is a pervasive rumor that 50 people drown at this beach a year, although this is… somewhat exaggerated. In fact, very few people drown at this beach these days, as it has actually gotten less dangerous over the years. There used to be a steep drop-off that would catch people by surprise, but due to several severe storms in the early 2000s, the beach has eroded back and now gently slopes down instead. Although very few people die at this beach nowadays, multiple rescues are performed every day due to the dangerous currents.

9. Cyclops, Australia

This is a particular type of wave that forms off the coast of Esperance, Australia, as the sea floor rapidly goes from deep, open water to a very very shallow reef. It is… unsettling. The longer I look at it, the weirder it gets. It’s like an ai generated image. I couldn’t even pick one picture of it so I made you a collage.

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It is considered one of the most dangerous surf spots in the world, and can only be accessed by boat. To quote pacific surf dot com, “the reason the wave is dangerous is because it does not act like any other wave in the world. It engulfs itself due to the massive change in the ocean floor when the wave rolls up.”

10. Nazare, Portugal

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This area of Portugal is home to some of the biggest waves in the world. Just offshore is an underwater canyon, plunging down to 16,000 ft deep. This allows large, fast deep-water waves to move into shore unimpeded, and when they hit the shallows close to shore all the water gets suddenly pushed up, resulting in waves up to 80 ft tall. I think the picture speaks for itself in this case. Probably best to not get in the water if you see that shit.

That was fun, wasn’t it? Before I go, let me end this on a different note than the rest of my lists; some actual advice for if you should you ever decide to visit these beaches (or any beach, really). Rip currents are incredibly strong (believe me, I know) but very narrow currents that run perpendicular to shore. To get out of a rip current, swim parallel to shore. Trying to fight the current will just tire you out and eventually leave you exhausted and way the fuck out in the ocean, which is typically when you die. Swimming parallel to shore will get you out of the current, and once you’re free you can swim back in at your leisure. And, just in general, never fight the sea. The sea will win.

4,272 notesReblogged at 04:45pm, 05/09/23
Via: habeascorpseus

fr00t:

grimdarkmatt:

kingkrem:

grumpysharkprincess:

heartsflush:

lynchbrothers:

cianm1301:

direhuman:

missserketisatramp:

noodlenumber:

acidsbeats:

notsoheadless:

cowards-sorcery:

triclops:

homestuckcharactergifs:

thealienbae:

steelsamuraiofficial:

tchaikxvsky:

femme-fatigue:

curlicuecal:

yd12k:

moirails-for-life-yo:

visualvexation:

drkotobuki:

jeon-wonwon:

adoerable:

homestuck, for all its insanity, still has the best quotes, my favorite being “the circle of stupidity is complete”

mine might be that one karkat rant like ‘your vehicle is parked squarely in the ‘nobody gives a fuck’ zone’

“Yes sir we are literally under siege by planet fucking Jupiter.”

“shit. let’s be santa”

“i’m 13 u egg”

That might be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard get said.

Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific.  It was because shut up.  Shut up is why.

I’d throw it in the lava but that would be a waste of melting

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“How old are you?”
“6”
“Goddamn”

Kick it barak

TIME TO RENDEZVOUS WITH MY HOMIE KILLA AND DROP THE SPECIAL SCIENCE ON HIM

My personal favorite:

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time to fly up away into the sun you fucknig piece of gargbage

KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS SUPER! DOESN’T THAT SOUND SUPER KANAYA?
KANAYA: No
KARKAT: I THINK I SPEAK FOR KANAYA WHEN I SAY IT SOUNDS Really Fucking Super.

“You have a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty” is my favorite tbh

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@pacifriske

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“This is exactly why babies shouldn’t be allowed to dual wield flintlock pistols”

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God launders in mysterious ways.

today is the only day i regard this post fondly. and i love that just around this time it explodes with notes and my activity is clogged with everyones additions of quotes.

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205,491 notesReblogged at 08:49pm, 04/10/23
Via: tenthousandscreamingbirds

carillonghorn:

whyamionlyabletouse32characters:

osunism:

tenaflyviper:

rinlockhart:

kingdomheartsddd:

painisthecleanser:

sasukehateblog:

softurl:

adataraxia:

tinydickhaver:

elphabaoftheopera:

unicornfan:

akiraita:

undrjoyed:

analienorsutin:

gunpowderandspark:

turtle-powered:

gunpowderandspark:

thisisdefinitelyacreativename:

gunpowderandspark:

gayantivan:

gunpowderandspark:

We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

  • If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.

or

  • It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

Rare blue watermelon

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

soap makes water molecules smaller

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

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the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

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that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

The two way mirror

“listen here, cumslut.”

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

all the links on this post are broken and some arent given so heres a compilation of links for the stupidest things tumblr has believed (i tried to find the og post for most of these but some of them are posts/articles about said posts)

infinite chocolate hack

berensta/ein bears (mandela effect)

mri scan walking dead gif

train gif brain thinks you died

tubby custard machine

horse dildo

moonmelon (and variations)

alexandria’s genisis

bird chocolate fountain og post

soap shrinks water molecules

we are killing the earth

ham on dog

tequila isnt a depressant

earth is lumpy

joker without makeup

voldemort fetus

two way mirror og post

fig vagina

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474,523 notesReblogged at 12:44am, 04/04/23
Via: spones-in-my-bones

sepiascissors:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

romanceyourdemons:

first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line

second day as a second century warlord i bribe a bunch of kids to start singing a nursery rhyme i carefully crafted to spread misinformation and further my strategic ends but they change the lyrics to be about poop and the enemy isn’t misdirected at all

third day as a second century warlord i lure my enemy into a narrow valley and send a team of archers to shoot them from the high ground but there was a feral hog napping on the trail up to the overlook and they couldn’t decide whether to try and shoot it or just go around and by the time the hog woke up and left on its own the enemy had already passed safely below

fourth day as a second century warlord we attempt to join a battle on the side of the guy we want to ally with but he and the guy he’s fighting have really similar names and it’s finally dusty and i misread the standards and attack the wrong guy. so now we’re stuck with this total loser of a liege lord, because how the fuck do you explain that after a battle?

fifth day as a second century warlord and some sort of wizard wanders into camp, my loser liege lord wants to execute him for being a wizard but i convince him to let the wizard stay, because i want to do more weather-based strategies and i’m pretty sure having a camp wizard can help with that. after the welcome to the team banquet the wizard steals half the treasury and my liege lord’s wife and leaves

sixth day as a second century warlord my loser liege lord sends me to reinforce a city he’s taken, but in the confusion of leaving i forgot to take the token that would have gotten us into the city, so my men have to wait outside the city walls for like eight hours while i ride back to get it

seventh day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord finally joins me in the city, it turns out he’s actually a pretty cool guy, and he isn’t even that mad at me for letting the wizard steal his wife. i decide to shoot my shot but i’m really nervous and keep on stalling because what if i mess up our relationship and by extension jeopardize the security of my men, and eventually he just says goodnight and goes back to his room, where an assassin is in the process of setting up to kill him

eighth day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord tells me to fake defect to his rival warlord, the one i originally wanted to ally with, to find out if he was the one who sent the assassin and why. but my whole way over to the rival warlord i’m worried that this has something to do with the wizard thing or how awkward i made it last night

ninth day as a second century warlord i try to tactfully ask my fake liege lord if he sent the assassin to kill my loser liege lord and it turns out the idea of using assassins never occurred to him, but now that i’ve suggested it he’s really into it. in order to save my loser liege lord i volunteer to be the one to kill him

tenth day as a second century warlord on my way back to my loser liege lord’s city i realize i won’t be able to collect my men from my fake liege lord until i bring back my loser liege lord’s head. this would have been a great thing to think of before i got myself in this situation. i go back to my loser liege lord and ask him to rescue my men, and he tells me that if he could sack my fake liege lord’s camp he already would have. that doesn’t change the fact that my men are still trapped. they’re prisoners, even. i go back to my room to sulk

eleventh day as a second century warlord i find a little caged pigeon in the rafters of my loser liege lord’s room and deduce it belonged to the assassin. without asking permission or telling my loser liege lord goodbye i let the pigeon loose and follow it north. don’t ask what i was doing in my loser liege lord’s room. it’s not important

twelfth day as a second century warlord i disguise myself as a wizard and enter the camp of the coalition leader the pigeon led me to. in the middle of my little sleight of hand performance i make eye contact with the coalition leader’s second-in-command. IT’S THE WIZARD THAT STOLE MY LOSER LIEGE LORD’S WIFE. after the banquet i corner the fake wizard and ask him what the fuck is going on and he just says “wouldn’t you like to know” and leaves. i don’t know what to say to that so i just let him go

thirteenth day as a second century warlord i’m honestly so sick of not knowing what’s going on, so i adjust my wizard costume to passably disguise myself as a woman and break into the women’s area of the camp, where sure enough my loser liege lord’s wife is. i ask her what she’s doing here and she tells me the fake wizard overheard her singing a poem she overheard on the street, not knowing it contains the coalition leader’s formation’s weaknesses. the fake wizard kidnapped her and assigned an assassin to kill her husband before they figured out the poem’s significance. she shares the first couplet with me but i’m discovered and thrown out before she can share any more. she doesn’t need to. through a bizarre coincidence of homophones, it’s the poop version of my misinformation nursery rhyme

fourteenth day as a second century warlord i go back to my loser liege lord and tell him everything, urging him to join with my fake liege lord to attack the coalition leader according to the weaknesses in the nursery rhyme. he tells me frankly that he doesn’t trust me anymore. i ask him to execute me if that’s really true, because i can’t bear to live if i can’t protect him and i can’t protect my men. he agrees to attack the coalition leader

fifteenth day as a second century warlord. due to the information in the nursery rhyme, and thanks to my loser liege lord reminding me of the weather conditions multiple times while planning our battle strategy, our alliance carries the day. my loser liege lord gets his wife back. my men tell me that our fake liege lord actually treated them really well and they’d like to stay with him if i don’t mind. i do mind, now that neither the men i love nor the man i love have any use for me, but i don’t tell them that

sixteenth day as a second century warlord i’m preparing to leave to i don’t know where, maybe to try to become a wizard for real, when my loser liege lord stops me and asks me where i’m going. he says he had hoped i would continue to work as his advisor. i was unaware i was his advisor in the first place. i agree, and he tells me he’s truly honored to have me in his service at last. he has known i am a rare and talented man with a strategic intelligence far above his ever since the day he witnessed me tying branches to my horses’ tails in six inches of mud, and could not for the life of him figure out why

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Critical background info on our beloved second century warlord

95,675 notesReblogged at 10:24pm, 03/30/23
Via: annabelle--cane

notquiteaghost:

vampchem:

witcheschess:

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do you like the colour of my immortal

[ID: a playlist of songs, ordered so their titles read as the entire opening paragraph of My Immortal. some words are made of multiple song titles, very few song titles are reused, /end ID]

65,299 notesReblogged at 05:38pm, 03/19/23
Via: jazzyjesse

teaboot:

theoriginalsuki:

jackironsides:

weaselle:

thehornedwitch:

booksandcatslover:

zetsubonna:

incubisexual:

defective-replicant:

eeveedatparty:

charlottemadison42:

spyderqueen:

therev28:

batneko:

tempest-caller:

porcupine-girl:

cumaeansibyl:

reynaruina:

spyroforlife:

gonna post a controversial take alright are y’all ready??

actually typing out emoticons like XD and :D and :V never should have gone out of fashion and you can pry them out of my cold dead hands okay I know emojis are fun but THEY DON’T CAPTURE THE EMOTION IN THE SAME WAY

so like

…yeah that was basically it, thanks for reading

also websites that  automatically replace your typed out <3 and :D with emojis upon sending them are a Danger To Everything That’s Good In The World

bring back nose smilies :-)

There is no emoji that captures what I mean by :P (I do NOT mean “hur hur goofy-ass face!”) and the one for :^/ is not great. And lest we forget, 🤷🏻‍♀️ is absolutely inadequate compared to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Faces no emoji has ever managed to capture, imo:

:P

^_^

:3

^u^

:/

O.o

0.0

>:/

<(^u^)>

I am too old to stop using XD

i have never yet found an emoji that fully captures the shifty energy of: 

>_>

<_<

Oh man, I’ve missed O.o

Especially alternating to really capture how boggled you are.

O.o

o.O

O.o

Whatever the name of this team is, I am on it

this is   awesome

._. is pretty good too and 😐 just ISN’T THE SAME

XD, ^-^, :3, <3, and =P until death

¬_¬ is the most eloquent keystroke combo

U_U is my fav, and also O_O

the SHEER MISCHIEF of OvO

me af

I use emoji, kaomoji AND emoticons. They all have different moods!!

🤷🏻 is like ‘i have no idea’.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ is like ‘who knows. nothing in life matters & we were all born to die’

Don’t be forgetting uwu

Wait when did we stop doing this

163,036 notesReblogged at 03:56pm, 03/14/23
Via: teaboot

akinmytua2:

interstellerace:

yen-sama:

mrs-transmuter:

operativesurprise:

rubes-dragon:

whimmy-bam:

diva-gonzo:

dumbass-oikawa:

conservative-libertarian:

221books:

fuckyourwritinghabits:

cornflakepizza:

winchesterbr0s:

hesmybrother-hesadopted:

czarnoksieznik:

beesmygod:

“chuffed doesnt mean what you think it means”

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it means exactly what i think it means its just some stupid word that literally has two definitions that mean the opposite thing

what the hell

This makes me really chuffed

This post is quite egregious

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Well I’m nonplussed by this whole post.

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goddamnit.

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all of you go to hell

And you wonder why i am boggled at times

These are called contronyms! A word that is its own opposite.

Why the fuck do these exist

One theory is that the sarcastic use of the word became exceedingly prevalent and because another dictionary definition. 

Are you telling me that we were such sarcastic shits it literally changed our language.

Literally is another example now.

There are 21 languages that have Contronyms/Contranyms.

English has 128 contranyms, almost 5 times that of language with the next highest number of contronyms (Arabic with 26) and more than the total number of crontranyms of every other language combined (89).

We just love being contrary little shits

781,401 notesReblogged at 02:53pm, 02/12/23
Via: renchanters

professionalchaoticdumbass:

ladyruetha:

simonalkenmayer:

3-ducks-in-a-trenchcoat:

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pyrrhiccomedy:

shaaknaa:

pococurantina:

achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily:

achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily:

inkwingart:

x4w:

rb this with ur opinion on this shade of pink:

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This is magenta, and not pink. Unlike pink, magenta doesn’t actually exist. Our brain just invents magenta to serve as what it considers a logical bridge between red and violet, which each exist at opposite ends of a linear spectrum.

TL;DR this color is fake (and also I hate it)

w

what

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im

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Wait til you learn about Stygean Blue

Your brain is a badly-designed hot mess of bootstrapped chemistry that will tell you that all kinds of shit is happening that has no correlation to physical reality, including time travel. It just makes things up. Your brain is guessing about what’s happening when your eyes saccade, what’s happening in your blind spot, and what the majority of the visible light spectrum looks like, and you don’t know it’s happening because it doesn’t aid your survival to become aware that a lot of what you see is fake.

The human eye only has three types of color sensitive cones, which detect red, blue, and green light. Your brain is making up every other color you perceive.

Let’s have a little fun with that thought. This is the visible spectrum of light.

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You will of course note that yellow is on the chart. Yellow has a discreet wavelength, and is therefore a distinct physical color. But we can’t see it.

“Sorry, what the fuck?”

What we call yellow is just what our brain shrugs and spits out when our red and green cones are equally stimulated. We have light receptors that can pick up on the physical spectrum of light we call yellow: that’s why yellow things don’t just look like moving black blocks to us. But your brain has no fucking idea what the color yellow looks like. 

Some animals have eyes that can perceive the color yellow! Goldfish have a yellow cone in their eyes. If they could talk, they could tell us what yellow looks like. But we wouldn’t be able to understand it.

What your brain actually sees of the color spectrum:

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We can measure the wavelength of light, so we know that when we see ‘yellow,’ we are seeing light in that 550-ish nanometers range. But we don’t have a cone in our eyes that can pick that up. Your brain just has a very consistent guess about what color that wavelength of light could be. We decided to name that guess ‘yellow.’ We can’t imagine what yellow really looks like any more than a dog can imagine the color red.

Here’s the funny thing: your brain is never perceiving just one photon of light at a time. Something like 2*10⁸ photons per second are hitting your retina under normal conditions. Your brain doesn’t individually process all of them. So it averages them out. It grabs a bunch of photons all coming from the same direction, with the same pattern, and goes, “yeah, that cup is blue, fuck it, next.”

That’s how colors blend in our eyes. So sure, if a photon of light with a wavelength of 550 nanometers bounces into our eyes, we see what we call “yellow.” But if we see two photons at the same time, coming from the same object, one of which is 500 nms and the other of which is 600 nms, your brain will average them out and you will still see yellow even though none of the light you just saw was 550 nms.

So how does magenta factor into this?

Well, as we’ve just established, when your brain sees light from two different slices of the visible light spectrum, it will try to just average them together. Green plus red is yellow, fuck it. If it’s more red than green, we’ll call that ‘orange.’ Literally who gives a shit, we’re trying to forage over here. There are bears out here and it’s so scary.

What happens if you take the average of blue and red light, which we perceive to be magenta? What’s the centerpoint of that line?

Fucking green.

Hey, that’s not gonna work? We live on a planet where EVERYTHING IS GREEN. If something is NOT green, that means it’s either food, or a potential source of danger, and either way your brain wants you to know about it.

So your brain goes, WHOOPS. Okay - this is fine. We already made up yellow, orange, cyan, and violet. We’ll just make up another color. Something that looks really, really different from green. 

And so it made up magenta.

So, physics-wise, is magenta “real?”

No; there’s no single wavelength of light that corresponds to magenta. But you’re rarely seeing only a single wavelength of light anyway. And even when you are, every color other than RGB is a dart thrown on the wall by your meat computer. This is the CIE Chromaticity Diagram:

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Explaining this thing is a little more than I want to take on on a Saturday morning, but I’ve included a link above that goes into it a little more. The point is that only the colors that actually touch the ‘outline’ of the shape actually correspond to a specific wavelength of light. All of the other colors are blends of multiple wavelengths. So magenta isn’t special.

Given that color is just a fun trick your brain is playing on you to help you find food and avoid danger, is magenta real?

Yeah, absolutely. Or at least, it’s just as real as most of what we see. It’s what we see when we mix up blue and red. It would be disastrous from a survival standpoint to perceive that color as green, so we don’t. Because it’s not green. Light that’s green has a wavelength of around 510 nm. Stuff that’s magenta bounces back light that is both ~400 and ~700. Your brain knows the difference. So it fills in the gap for you, with the best guess it has, same as it does with your blind spot.

The perception of color exists within your brain, and your brain says you see magenta. So you see magenta.

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So I googled Stygian Blue and…

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Yall.

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FORBIDDEN.

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HOW TO SEE THE FORBIDDEN COLOURS

Hyperbolic Orange is the color my soul is

Dark tumblr show me the forbidden colors

We are back on this again.

My brain hurts.

i fucking love the human brain, it’s like if bethesda made an animal

417,977 notesReblogged at 02:52pm, 01/14/23
Via: go-learn-esperanto