sometimes i wonder if i’m faking mental illness but then i remember some of my delusional episodes and i’m like nah why would i do that to myself on purpose
i feel like people are under the opinion that it’s ok to purposefully trigger a psychotic person IF. IF they’re a bad enough person. IF it’s funny enough. IF you’re friends with them. IF you’ve got a personal vendetta against them. IF they’re acting crazy. hell, even if they’re just existing or talking about their struggles in a public space. or even a fucking private one. which is so incredibly fucked up. your support for psychotic people should not be conditional.
i’ve had people come into my inbox and send me shit, telling me they’ve deepfaked my face onto porn and posted it online, tell me that all my friends are lying to me that i’m not real, telling me they’ve hacked my computer. my psychotic friends have gotten sent similar shit. the schizophrenia reddit has been filled with people posting intentionally triggering shit. anytime a psychotic person dares to mention delusions, ableism, or hell, even exists on tik tok, they’ll get comments like “i’m living in your walls” i have had it up to here with this shit. people don’t view us as people. they view us as crazies and sources of entertainment.
I wish that the opposite of gifted kid was discussed as much online…being told from a very young age something is wrong with you, you’ll never catch up to other kids in school, you’ll never survive independently, teachers telling your parents you’re a “severe case”, etc…like it fucks you over for LIFE. I still find myself telling people i’m not smart enough or capable enough in general to do a certain task. What is this called? Loser kid syndrome? Lmfao
Not to mention completely losing your autonomy and no one taking you seriously 🥲
eventually you realize you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to live the life you’re living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.
no one needs to add “sounds fake but ok”, “no”, “well, not me”, “impossible”, etc. to this post. and i’d rather you not.
one day you think: I want to die.
and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book.
and I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun
adhd will have you like hey sorry i’m late i had to resist the temptation to be distracted by literally everything around me 40 times like jesus in the desert. yeah the devil was there and everything it was this whole thing.
thinking you have to fulfill 100% of the exact requirements for something, when everyone else apparently knows it’s actually a bit flexible
answering rhetorical questions and everyone thinking you’re stupid
SAYING something with a literal meaning and others interpreting it figuratively
following instructions to a T but not knowing how to modify them if something goes wrong
wait that song was talking about WHAT??
doing EXACTLY what someone asked of you and them getting mad that it wasn’t what they meant or actually wanted
being terrified of people’s empty threats or hyperbole without realizing they didn’t actually mean it
memorizing all the connotations of different words so you can use them as precisely as possible, getting frustrated when others are inexact
still not getting jokes and sarcasm
…oh
so i read books like a formula 1 car on cocaine because of my profound ignorance of how nerotypicals use communication. this part can be pretty hard to teal with sometimes.
anyways SHOUTS OUT to my fellow mentally ill people with homicidal thoughts/urges, aggressiveness, bursts of anger, low empathy that results in rudeness, violent thoughts and fantasies and other “”“evil”“” symptoms that everyone thinks we should hide or be condemned for. we are SO sexy <3
inb4 someone tells me im encouraging being harmful towards others: did you know talking about symptoms doesnt equal anti-recovery rhetoric. im just talking about shit i/we experience.
Such a large part of therapy depends on having some control over your life! Therapy isn’t just talking to someone and they make everything go away. They give you tools to master your problems! And if you can’t use them, they aren’t of any use. And it’s the same for meds! If they let you be more productive or creative but you have no outlet for that, the end result is the same. If your meds help you see the positives but there are no positives to see, you won’t notice the difference.
Sometimes you get the wrong tools. Sometimes there’s no space to use them. Sometimes the hardware store sucks. Try again with different tools, in different locations, at a new store.
THE SAME GOES FOR MEDICATION!! I tried meds as a teenager and they were powerless to help much due to my living situation being horrible. I thought that meant medication didn’t work for me. Now that I’m out of that situation and trying agajn I can really see a difference.
I don’t know if any of you had the same experience as me, but I tried therapy when I was a teenager living in an abusive household and thought it was a waste of time. Ultimately my biggest problems (dad) were beyond my control and no amount of coping would make them better. Now that I’m an adult with actual control over my life and don’t live with my dad anymore therapy is MUCH more helpful.
If any of you had bad experiences with therapy when you were younger it may be worth it to try again now.
Also if your parents are part of the problem, they likely will be the one picking your therapist. Which means that, like me, you might end up going to a bunch of Christian “counselors” who recommend prayer and reading your Bible, or other unhelpful types. So therapy not working for you as a teen does not mean it won’t ever work for you.
